Im so much better, but....

Yesterday was my 3 week check up with the specialist in IL, well, actually, with the tech in IL. I almost never see the doc. Regardless, everything looks great and babies were boppin around. I have come a long, long, long way since the beginning about feeling more comfy about being pregnant and really believing that by the end of the year I will be a mother of 4. I still have my moments tho. Today, even after seeing them cruzin around just yesterday I got a wave of panic come over me. It was strange, it came out of nowhere, but it was strong. It was only strong for a few min and then I was much more manageable. Now, I am fine. Its so weird. I also go thru these weird emotions about loving being pregnant cuz I can feel them moving around and they are always with me to then wanting this to be over so I can walk w/out pain and put on regular shoes again. My hands and feet actually hurt. My hands hurt when I bend my fingers, I often wonder if this is how heavier people feel or if it is just the swelling that makes it difficult to move them. Either way, I just bounce back and forth. I never missed being pregnant with Harmony and Brayden, but I feel like I may have some sadness after I deliver these two. Maybe cuz this is deff my last go round with this stuff, maybe cuz we worked so hard to get here and then its over or maybe just cuz I’m a hormonal mess. I never had a problem saying I was “done” after Brayden was born, however, I was not having my tubes tied. But as I was looking around, I still (12 years later) have a bin full of baby clothes from the kids, their crib and porta-crib. Sure doesnt sound like a lady who was “done” having kids, does it? The crib and porta-crib are probably death traps so we are not using them - so why did I keep them? I have no idea, but they are gone as of this past weekend and I was ok with seeing them go. Very strange! It was weird to see those things out and watch the kids help move them around or take them to the garbage. They used to use those things and I could still picture them doing so, yet they were the ones moving them around. I guess I’m just in a weird place right now, my teenagers helping me get ready for babies. I guess it happens more and more now but I am no Duggar so this is weird to me, lol.

Harmony got to feel Maddux kicking the other day, it was pretty cool to see her face light up when she actually felt him move, it was very obvious that he was kicking her. She is having some issues and a hard time dealing with the new babies so it sure was cool to see her smile.