My head hurt after that meeting, I don’t think Matt and I are on the same page with all of this. Neither of us actually wants to go thru this but I would rather do the adoption and he would rather do the egg donor.
My issues/questions are so many that we need to discuss if we want to move forward and then call to make an appt with the doctor to discuss my concerns. I will meet with the doctor cuz Matt wants to but I know there are no answers to my questions so I think it’s a waste of time to go over all of this yet again. There are no guarantees with any of this but if we knew what the hell was wrong it would be sooooo much easier to choose what to do. Since we do not have a definite answer as to why this is not working out for us, I am not comfortable dropping 25K on a donor cycle. We don’t know if it is my eggs for sure, it could be my uterus or just really bad luck and then we go thru all of this again to not have anything except a huge bill and a broken heart at the end.
Much cheaper, no injections, already know that the embryos were "good" since they made it to the freezing stage as well as developing into a baby or 2.
The biggest issue is that the embryos are frozen and have to make it thru the “de-frosting” process and some don’t do so well. If we get a couple that has only 3 frozen embryos and only 1 of those makes it thru the de-frosting process then we are left with some pretty crappy odds.
The couple chooses wether or not to allow us as a couple to adopt their embryos and they can be very picky. Since we have only been married 2 years in April that can be an issue, also religion is a big one with some people. If we found a couple that had a lot of frozen embryos and that we liked they may not approve us and then we start the whole process over again.....
EGG DONOR CYCLE:
No injections for me, get to kinda hand pick what we like about the woman
Is very involved and expensive. We would have to go thru and pick a donor (who again, can deny us if they choose to) by going thru their very extensive information packet. They are very good at getting information on them and their background. They let us see one of the packets, 30 some pages of questions for the lady to fill out.
My issue with that is we have NO IDEA if her eggs are any good. They use the same criteria and tests that they have done with me and since there is nothing technically “wrong” with me then how the hell do we know her eggs are any good? All of my tests come back great, I respond well to the meds, etc but then my eggs come out kinda crappy. No guarantee that her eggs will be any better than mine, quite an expensive risk to take if you ask me. If we go this way I would want to go with someone who has donated before and they are able to see how her eggs are but I'm guessing that since they only get 3 grand for the whole thing that most of these ladies don’t go back over and over thru the process after knowing what its like. Who knows really, maybe as a younger person w/out kids its not as bad.
Ugggg, so I am no more hopeful then I was before the meeting with her ..... this keeps getting more and more stressful and involved - I keep feeling like each time we hit a brick wall and I try to go over it there is just another frickin wall there to get in my way. This shouldn’t be this hard, it shouldn’t be like this at all but it is so I try to deal the best I can and stay as on-track as I need to be but with each time it gets more difficult to “heal and deal”. I know there are plenty of people in the world who would love to have my “problems” and would probably love to slap me for complaining about things that aren’t really problems given all that goes on in peoples lives but sometimes I have to have the pity party, probably more often than I should honestly.
Matt would like me to take some months off of the injections and then go back in for another few rounds but I just cant do that. I have given those cycles all I had and I have no more to give. I cant take a break, go back to normal life knowing that I will have to do them again. I will stress about those months coming up. In my mind I am either in or out, and I am out. I need to look to other options at this point.