I have been thinking about this not having “symptoms” (the symptoms I feel I should have) thing a lot and since I was able to go thru 2 pregnancies and not have this fear of m/c it makes me think about it more.
When I was pregnant with Harmony and Brayden I never had a fear of losing them so i was fortunate enuf to be able to go thru those pregnancies differently. I saw a positive pregnancy test and so then I was having a baby, no questions. This is a bit different for obvious reasons. I have a new appreciation for how this all works, kinda missing the young lady I was before but also glad that I can be so appreciative for something that is truly a miracle.
I don’t feel “good” or “normal” so I guess these are my symptoms for now. I mean, if I had not gone thru all this fertility stuff and treatments, m/c’s etc I would prob be complaining so much more about how crappy I feel. But I always feel so crummy during IVF I figure that I haven’t really felt “normal” for quite some time so maybe im just used to this feeling. I have headaches most of the time, bloated like I am 4 months along and sometimes upset tummy and dizzy so I suppose that is what it is for now.
I’d like to consider myself lucky since I am not huggin the toilet several times a day and have to remind myself that I never once threw up with either of the pregnancies that made it to term. However, with twins I was assuming it would be awful, plus the fact that I am no spring chicken would also make it worse. Oh well, it is what it is and I cant make myself sick so I will try to enjoy the small amount of symptoms I have here.
Its not that I want to throw up or be crazy sick, I mean honestly, who likes to throw up and feel like shit for weeks/months? It would just make me feel like it was real, like it was really gonna happen and work for us this time. Maybe I am being rewarded for all the other hell by not having awful sickness? Maybe its cuz of all the vitamins and meds I am on, my body is fine and healthy for once? I don’t know but I sure want to know. I want an answer that I know I wont even have. As long as everything is ok then I should just count my blessings - which are not throwing up several times a day and two healthy heartbeats from last weeks ultrasound. I will try to fixate on those right now.