3rd times the charm, right???

I like the number 3, I really do. I'm weird like that - I like to park in the 3rd spot at work in the parking lot, I like to eat things in 3's, I like to type 3 lines then take a break, etc....so I suppose I can look at this in a good way.

So the 6th and last IUI failed, what a surprise. I was actually pretty hopeful this time only cuz of the new meds and vitamins that I have been taking, I was let down with the negative result but life moves on.

Now we enter the 3rd and final IVF and I am freaked out. Freaked out cuz it’s the “last” chance, freaked out cuz i am afraid it wont work, freaked out cuz if it does work I could lose it again, Freaked out cuz I just don’t want to do the whole process over again. Its time consuming and makes me a crazy person, not to mention all the money and emotion that goes into it all. **Sigh**

I will go thru it and make it thru because this is something I want to do and something I want to look back and say was worth it. I'm not competitive but in this situation I want to win, i want to beat this infertility bitch and I want to say I did all i could to give/have a child with my hubby.
At this poitn I swear I am on more medication and vitamins than my 85 y/o grandma, and that is hard cuz she has lots of meds! Hahahaha!

I am at the beginning of the IVF cycle as I type. CD5 I have chosen to take bcp for 2 weeks so that I can time it right. I am leaving on the 13th of Feb in AZ so I couldnt start the stims right away. Ok, back to the grind..... am not worried about the short amount of time on bcp's that I am on them since I will be on blood thinner injections this time. No worries, cept for the fact that they make me mean and nasty. Oh well, not much difference that normal days I suppose.....moving right along

So for the last month daily I have been taking as follows:

* Citna-natal Assure which is prenatal (scripted)
* DHA pill (scripted)
* Metanx which is high doses of Methylfolate (broken down folic acid) and high doses of B6 and B12 (scripted)
* Baby aspirin (instructed by specialist)
* 400 extra of Vit E (instructed by specialist)
* Two 500mg extra of Calcium (instructed by specialist)
* 500mg of Metformin (regulates and keeps blood sugars in check, scripted)
* 400 unit injection of Lovenox (blood thinner, scripted)
- Total of 8 pills and one injection

On Sunday the 31st of January with the start of my cycle I added to the above:
* One birth control pill
* 10 mg prednisone steroid (scripted)
- Total of 10 pills and 1 injection
Last bcp will be the15th of February and wait for period, usually 3 days after last pill.

At that time I will go back into the doctor for baseline blood work and ultrasound. Hopefully then be given the green light for the daily simulation medication. So I will then add to the above:

* 300 iu injection of Follistim (to stimulate follicles to grow)
* Two vials of 75 iu injection of Menopur ( to stimulate follicles to grow)

- Total of 9 pills and 4 injections daily

Then about 6 days into the stim injections I will add another daily injection called Ganerellix which will help to stop my body from ovulating on its own - once follicles are grown and doc thinks its time to go then I will stop the Ganerellix, Follistim and Menopur and take one injection for egg retrieval called Ovidril. I will also have to stop the Lovenox (blood thinner until after egg retrieval)

For a few days I will injection free- yippie! :-)

I would assume that egg retrieval would be around the 4th or 5th of March. And egg transfer would then be around 7th or 9th. Then bed rest - the pay off for all the work - ahhhhhh!

After ER I will just wait and see how the embryos grow and progress. I would prefer to have a 5 day transfer this time so I know the embryos are nice and strong but if we are forced to do another 3 day with not so great embryos I will insist they put them ALL back in instead of letting them die (most likely) in the lab. I wish I would have thought about that and demanded that the 2nd time but sadly, I am learning as I go. I would rather my embryos have a chance inside my uterus instead of dying in the lab. I would also like to have a pricey procedure called PGD which is just basically a biopsy on the embryos to make sure they are genetically a-ok but when you don’t have a ton of embryos to “play” with the docs don’t like to do that since the procedure can traumatize and ultimately kill the embryos. So as far as that goes, that will need to be discussed after the embryos are here, fertilized and multiplying.

OH wait, silly me, I forgot something I will be doing. I am taking the steroid to try and keep the natural killer cells down and out but because mine seem not to respond all that great to them I will also be doing 2 treatments called IVIg, it’s a treatment and are $2,500 a pop. I will need to have 2 of those treatments before egg retrieval, then IF and when a positive pregnancy test I will need to have that same treatment every month into the 7th month of pregnancy.
Oh and i take a 50,000 unit Vit D pill every month scripted as well - how did i forget that my levels are crap - what a shock!

I love my kids and when I was pregnant with them and delivered them I was thankful for them, but not the way I should have been. Now as I look back I did take them for granted, was annoyed with their little hands messing my stuff up from time to time, didnt take the 2 years that I was lucky enuf to stay home with them and have my only job as mommy to heart like I should have. I regret that and wish I could go back and know how important that time was. Its not like my kids dont need me anymore, they do and I know they always will in some way. Just going thru this particular journey makes me think more about when they were little and very much needed me for everything. I would have never thought I would say I miss the days when Brayden would throw up on me at least 6 times a day or taking Harmony back and forth to physical and speech therapy and working so hard on having her say words that she was able to say the year before. Never did I think that I would miss the days when I was driving a beat-up ass blue mini van and being excited cuz I had been "stuck" at home with the kids and no car for quite some time. While you are in the moment you just cant see how precious every crazy, hectic, annoying min is and I hope to be able to do it again and see things differently.