Thursday, March 11, 2010

Still hope?

Yesterday afternoon - around lunch time - i just couldnt wrap my mind around the fact that this could not work. With all the work put in, all the research, all the new medication, all the doctor visits, all the new tests and new expensive treatments, i just couldn't give up hope so i went to buy 2 more tests. I bought 2 from the dollar store and a 2 pack of FRER (first response early result) from Walgreens. The ones from Walgreens are pricey, a whoppin $15! Geesh! Anyway, took one of each of them here at work and one was positive (so very very light but there) and the other negative. So i thought there is still hope. I figured that the mornings test would show me a stronger line so i could feel good about it. I have never not wanted to test, i have never not wanted to wake up and run downstairs to test - today i didnt want to do it. I was afraid. I'm never afraid to test, it was weird. So of course i did test - cuz its who i am - and took 2 tests, 2 cheap tests. I can see the line, a very light light light - did i say light - line on both. Its there, im sure that if anyone else looked at it they would not see it but since Ive been doing this way too long i can see it. Of course i have more hope than i did yesterday morning but i am still not getting excited, which, again, is sooooo super weird for me. "A line is a line is a line" is what i have said to myself and to many other ladies so many times that i should probably have it tattooed on my forehead but this just doesn't seem sure yet. I took 4 tests yesterday, only 1 of them was a positive and it wasn't even a strong positive. I am what would be considered 11 days past ovulation right now so in a "normal" cycle a light line like this wouldn't concern me but this is an IVF and we put fertilized embryos back in there so I would have assumed a darker line would show.
I have never had such a light line on 11DPO in any of the pregnancies - now, I could look at it (and I'm really trying here) in a good way since none of those 4 pregnancies turned out very well. Maybe it took my body longer to implant and that is cuz things are going well. Who knows, all I know is I am in a daze and keeping hope but really hoping that the test line will be completely vi sable by the morning. My blood test is tomoro and i haven't even made an appt for it yet. I didn't want to jinx it - I may not even call until 2moro. They will take blood Friday and Saturday but I wont hear anything until Saturday since they send both blood samples in at the same time and call you with both results.

Saturday I will be taking Harmony and her friends to the Anime Convention for all day fun. I will be able to take calls and either enjoy the rest of the day with the ladies or go and break down in the bathroom for a min then get back to regular life.


Christa said...

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! a line!!!!! :) how can you not be too excited!!

Miss Megan said...

SO excited for you! I know exactly the kind of line you are talking about, and it WILL get darker, it WILL!!! Woo hoo!!
Oh, and if you happen to have any pictures of these tests from this morning and would like a fellow POAS addict to take a look (and also confirm that they are positive - LOL) I'd be happy to do so!
Many congrats your way! You are only 11dpo - a faint line is FINE!! =). Take your own advice and be HAPPY!!! I am enthralled for you!!!